I Did It!

Photo Credit: http://www.google.com.ph/imgres?noj=1&tbm=isch&tbnid=sF3RI5szSzeweM%3A&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.deviantart.com%2Fmorelikethis%2F50916453%3Fview_mode%3D2&docid=yE4tjPl4reqwUM&imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fth03.deviantart.net%2Ffs12%2FPRE%2Fi%2F2006%2F293%2Fa%2Fb%2Fmy_heart_on_a_string_by_crayolascoloringbook.jpg&w=774&h=1032&ei=ssLlUt7BJ8nJiAfbwICoBA&zoom=1&ved=0CFEQhBwwAA&iact=rc&dur=369&page=1&start=0&ndsp=14&biw=1505&bih=453

I wouldn't let 2-0-1-3 end without my last entry for the year..

Here's an update!

So I finally spilled the beans...yep, last December 20! It was our last day at work and my flight to Zamboanga was the following day. Really, I did not know what came over me. It was a now-or-never thing, after endless debates with myself, I finally decided to take the risk. I wrote all my feelings in a letter. She was my "manita" so I slipped the letter inside the pouch containing my gift for her and some little things too.  She spent that Friday night in my apartment, and she even drove me to the airport the next morning (much to my surprise.) I begged her not to read the cards in my presence, she politely obliged. We bade each other good bye and I saw her green car go as I queued for the departure entrance at the NAIA Terminal 3.

Crossroads

Should I push the pedal to its limits and just go full throttle? or stay put for a while (for who knows till when) and wait for the right time?

Two weeks ago, I was decided. I was going to do the inevitable. Finally, I will face my fear - fear of losing everything, fear of the unknown. I was ready to jump off the cliff, to take risks. Yet something happened last week. I was not prepared for it, nor was she. It totally changed the game plan. This may be a minor setback, although sometimes I think it may even be an advantage. But am I really that type of person? I think not... I hope not...

Sinking Ship

Turbulent waters. Waves splashing across the side of the boat... I grab for my backpack quickly, instinctively... looking for the black pouch my father gave me. I searched through the tiny slits inside, removing empty medicine wrappers in the process. My fingers searching frantically. My nausea stepping up a notch. I could feel my saliva form in the sides of my mouth... I hate this feeling of having to puke. Then my forefinger finally found it, I tore it open. My savior, for at least after an hour when it finally kicks in... Thank you, Bonamine... I know, I know... I should have taken it before going to this trip... I thought I could endure the pain, the motion sickness...but......

My Christmas List

Christmas is just 14 days away! In order to get my creative juices pumping this Wednesday morning (pampagana before doing cadworks ^____^,) I thought I'd write down my wishlist (and things I am thankful for for the year that was,) and hope that Santa could still get to read it on time.... (p.s. I know there is NO Santa Claus. My sister, Chiching, was the one who put candies and small gifts on our socks/stockings when we were kids.)

Stubborn is My Middle Name

Obstinate. Unrelenting. Unshakable.

Those are just some words that are synonymous to my name. Yep. Ask anyone who knows me for at least two years tops. Well, some who even just met me could say that as well. I'm not proud of it, nor am I wavering my bragging rights over it. It's just who I am.

In other words, matigas ang ulo ko. Ask my mother. We often get into arguments because of it, especially when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I don't answer back or anything. In fact, I just keep silent the whole time (or until I have gotten over whatever it was), sometimes giving them the cold shoulder.

(Not-so) Sweet November

It's 3 days before the 11th month of the year ends... November was not so good to me, though. I was sick most of the time- cough and colds, plus my migraine attacking once in a while. I don't know if it's because of the ever changing weather, or Manila's pollution that my lungs could no longer filter out. Also, watching the devastation by Supertyphoon Yolanda all over the news makes it more depressing. I could not even feel Christmas is just 28 days from now...well, I'm sure most feel the same too.

I really do hope and pray that the Philippines will stand back right again. No war, earthquakes, nor supertyphoons can ever break the Filipino Spirit. Okay, I did not just turn patriotic all of a sudden. But it's true... while most of my colleagues are thinking of going abroad, I think this is the time to stay. Help our Mother Land build what was destroyed, and design more resilient buildings that can withstand all the elements. Yet again, I can not blame them for seeking greener pastures (or in most cases, bigger pavements?) because with what has been happening in the Philippines these times- from supertyphoons to super greedy politicians, from Janet to Yolanda, one must think that our country is cursed or something.

One good thing about this month though, I started painting again. I have been planning to do that since forever, and after having bed rest for 3 days because of being sick, I finally was able to bring out my tubes of watecolor and brushes. It still feels good... in fact, I want to finish all the paper i bought, and buy some more. Who knows, I'd be able to put up a One-man Exhibit? Perhaps this is the direction my life would like to take from now on?

I hope December will be much better... for all of us.

Monday Blues

Unfortunately, I have reached that point in my work life that I am no longer inspired nor productive. It seems that I have come to a dead end. At first, I thought transferring to another project will keep my blood pumping. I thought changing bosses will do any good. Well, for some time, it did. But then, dark clouds begin to hover in each and everyone's heads, small at first. Growing bigger and bitter as the pressure from all factors manifest. Sad to say, some good ones are gone. Or shall I say, good for them?

To Fold or Not to Fold?

I started playing poker about five years ago... nothing fancy nor putting a hole in my pockets that sort of sh*t- just fun, friendly games with my cousins, brother-in-law and sometimes guy friends/ barkada. We play it at the beach, at the porch of our house. I remember we had a poker night birthday celebration because my 25th birthday fell (as it usually does) on a holy week. To be honest, that's the only card game that I can confidently say I have a knack at, and the funny thing is, I only learned to play poker on Facebook. Yep, during those apprenticeship days in my former office's computer and fast internet connection. It was downright addictive, and some of my bosses, were also into it. It was about time that my Mom bought a poker game set, complete with colorful poker chips that came with a neat metallic silver case.

Reflections

In a corporate jungle such as this place I'm in, it's easy to get lost in the piles of papers on our desks, long lines of To-do lists, beating of unrealistic deadlines, phone calls, emails, meetings, and just basically, work that never seem to end even if we spend more than 10 hours of our waking hours in a day. The sad part is, money is still not enough to sustain a decent lifestyle, let alone pay the monthly rent and bills. Then like lightning striking unexpectedly in a hot day, it got me thinking.... is this all worth it?

Status: It's Complicated

Just when I thought of giving up... of finally letting go of a fantasy that's been brewing in my mind for the past months...for letting go of what could or might have beens... for not letting myself be truly happy with that person... slowly trying to accept that things may not just be meant to be.... but then, I see an orange propped on my office table this morning.

And as if an automatic reset button has been pressed, the cycle begins all over again....

Rantings

I hate being sick... especially when I'm here in Manila- all alone, I need to fend for myself, force myself to stand up to cook or buy medicine, and mostly, Mommie is not here to take care of me. :(

Difficult times like these make me really think of packing up and going home for good. Come to think of it, I have been thinking about going home a lot lately. With the crisis and all, it made me realize what matters to me the most, and that is being with my family. I miss them so much everyday. I try to make it through the day though, because sulking and moping around won't get me anywhere.

My City is Crumbling

Photo Credits: https://www.facebook.com/ZamboNewsUpdate

Day 13.

It has been twelve days since this nightmare began. Even though I am in Manila, 1,102 kilometers away from the sporadic firing and the occasional bombings, I can still feel the pain, loss, panic, weariness from all this poorly written script of some insane person's mind. I can taste the unimaginable fear of my people in my mouth- putrid, like puffing an expired cigarette. My heart skips whenever I see posts in my face book wall of gunshots, house fires, airstrikes, and mortars dropping anywhere like the ones handling them are just throwing them in the air aimlessly (or purposely? who really knows.)

A Dark September

Yesterday, September 9, 2012, was probably one of the darkest days in my hometown, Zamboanga City. There were gunshots, a series of bombings, rocket propelled grenades (RPGs), hostage takings, human shields, mass evacuations from affected barangays. All seem like a nightmare, and the scary part is, it is still ongoing as of this writing.

I woke up at around 7:30 a.m. Running late for work, I instinctively searched for my cellphone that's been covered by the multitude of pillows in my bed. I saw a message from Mommie:

"Zambo City is under siege from armed elements said to be elements of  Misuari's MNLF. City Mayor declared no work and classes." Received 09/09/13 7:04 am

Inspired

Friday. 4:43 p.m.

Few more minutes til our (supposed) 30-minute turned 1-hour break. Few more hours to endure (in my case, pretend :)) to work in this 24 degree Celsius temperature corporate cubicle. I have to say,
I have mastered the art of clicking the X button in a split second and checking the mirror I strategically placed atop my Lenovo CPU. Mastered, yes, perfected? No. Well, not yet. I have been caught several times when I get too engrossed in my writing, or when the computer suddenly does not cooperate.

4:50.

Ten minutes more.

Cut the Rope

 

Last night, as I was browsing through my news feeds in my Facebook (this is how I lure myself to sleep, by the way) I was kinda irked with all the "Napoles Surrender" thing, so I went to my profile instead. I read somewhere that looking at other people's "happy" pictures in Facebook could cause depression. Well, in my case, it was some people's posts/ statuses... jumping in the bandwagon, if you ask me. I was not depressed by it, just plain annoyed.

So what did the article say to avoid this? Read your own profile. So I did.

Everybody has a Story to Tell

No matter how we try to stereotype people based on their looks, profession, or status in life, it is innate in us to classify...to scrutinize... and to try to fit someone in a box we knowingly or unknowingly built in the inner crevices of our own little minds.

http://tutzor.com/tutorials/design-your-own-t-shirt-typography-portrait


http://2photoshop.com/dirty-grunge-poster/

Large Shoes to Fill

Today is Daddie's 65th birthday. He is in Cotabato City right now, celebrating his birthday and his last day as a government employee.

I remember when I was about 5 years old, Mommie and I brought him to the pantalan (seaport) since he will be leaving for Cotabato City, where he has been assigned as Director II of DILG- ARMM. I played in the concrete culverts as Daddie went aboard the Super Ferry.

Lucky Me!

Gold Standing Tickets would have cost us P6000+ each!

Year 2013 has indeed been a lucky year for me so far. Several months ago, I won a Samsung Laptop Series 5 at WordBex Fellowship Dinner, with only P33.33 as "puhunan" for our taxi fare to the venue. I sold the laptop to buy an ipad mini and pay for my enrollment for a review class.

In addition to that, and I think this one is the most awesome one, I got to watch Linkin Park's World Tour Concert last Tuesday (August 13)...and the sweetest part was, it was for free! :)

A Vicious Cycle

I just got back from my hometown, Zamboanga City. I went home last Friday with Mommie to celebrate Hariraya with my family. It was a surprise, and indeed they were. It felt amazing to be welcomed in such a way. Most of my family were there- my titos, titas and cousins from my Mom's side.

In a Perfect World

In a perfect world
Your hand would perfectly fit into mine
I could wipe all your tears and sorrows away
I would brave every storm
and move every mountain just to be with you

In a perfect world
I'll see to it that everyday is special
To make each moment count
To somehow make your dreams and mine come true

In a perfect world
I could hold you close
Close enough to hear your heart beat
Wrap you in my arms
and will not let you go easily

In a perfect world
I could be the one to turn to
when you're heaving a bad day
We'd sing our lungs out
or just lay perfectly still

In a perfect world
I would let you dance the night away
and let you shine like the bright star that you are

In a perfect world
We could share every triumph,
every happiness, every pain
You need not worry about anything
'coz you've got me til my last bit of strength

In a perfect world
You will have me and I, you

In a perfect world
where nothing and no one else matters
Except for me and you.

The Purge

Last night we went to watch a movie after work. Thought it would be a good way to unwind after 10.5 hours of staring at our LCD screens, punching keys for CAD commands, calling suppliers/ contractors for follow-ups, doing tons of paperwork. And take note, it's only the first day of the week, and yet we felt the need to unwind! Sheesh!

Unsure

It seems that I am yet again in that phase in my life that I have not a clue of what I should do. The question rather is... Should I even do anything about it?

I did not plan for it, nor I even dreamt of it. But it just happened. Mind you, it did not happen overnight. However, it was like a seed that has been ignored over time, and yet when it touched soil, somehow magically, as if someone (or something) was taking care of it, this little thing began to sprout. Until one day, the tiny leaves were already springing from the ground- uncontrollable, mindless, devastating, yet undoubtedly, beautiful.

Passing Time, literally!

It's 6:41 p.m. on my desktop's clock. Still a few more minutes before we get to tap our IDs at the chrono machine located at the Reception of 9th floor. Just a few more hours, and here comes the most loved day of the Week, Friday.

Good Morning, Sunshine!

Oh hello, Mr. Sun!

It's a brand new day, and I can't wait to make the most of it. Still got a lot of work to do. Tomorrow's a big day for our department since we will have having a Coordination Meeting with our VP, a series of lectures and reporting from different mall branches.

I would not be presenting, though I'm a bit disappointed. But it would be nice NOT to have butterflies in the stomach for once.

I think I'd just doodle away....

The Moon and Money

Took a picture of the receipt while walking
back to our office at noon

When I was a child (maybe 4 or 5 years old,) I remember I was taught by one of my Titas to reach out my hand to the Moon and utter these seemingly magical words especially when I see it is fully round and yellow:

"Moon, give me money, Moon..."

Lo and behold! Those magic words seem to work, fast track 23 years! Thanks to my "Moon," my ate, Lia.

Freestyle 08.15.12

Amidst the chaos around me...
Busy people...
People soaked in their computers...
Not minding each other's business........
The world's in topsy turvy...
Ringing phones... hurried footsteps...
Yet... all I can think about is what I left at home..........
Can't wait to hold you in my hands....
and feel your every curve.
It's too soon, I know.
We've just met last night... yet you're all I ever think about.
Obsessed? I don't reckon so.
I can't wait to travel the world with you...
To see its magnificence through your eyes.
You are one of those dreams that came true.
Tangible albeit surreal.
I never doubted it, yet I am surprised that it's this soon....
Maybe it's just meant to be.
:)

Starting Out

I was in 5th grade when I started to write. Writing has always been a sort of escape for me, an expression of my innermost feelings and desires. Stuff that I dare not tell or share to anyone, I wrote in my journal. It was then that I also learned the "art"of infatuation and crushing on someone (which I think is normal at that age,) so I began to write poetry as well. And as you might have guessed, puppy love and overwhelming feelings of admiration were the common themes.

Ulan at Gabi

Nakita kita kanina sa jeep
nung kami'y pauwi na
Tumibok ang aking puso
May pamilyar na kabog sa dibdib na di mawari
Di ko matanggal ang titig ko sayo
Tila ikaw ay nagbago.
Pilit kong sinilip ang iyong wangis,
dahil braso mo'y nakasabit
Ilang pulgada lang ang layo natin sa isa't isa,
ngunit tilay ako'y taga ibang planeta.
Naalala ko bigla yung una nating pagkikita,
sumakay tayo sa jeep patungong Baywalk,
di ko akalaing tahimik ka,
na tila walang kibo.
Mahirap basahin ang iniisip mo,
takot akong magkamail o may magawang ika'y magalit.
Pareho pa tayong kumakapa sa dilim,
pero lahat ng takot at pagaalinlangan ay nawala
Pag hawak ko na ang malalambot mong mga kamay
Gusto kong tumigil ang oras pag kasama kita
Susungkitin ang buwan at mga tala,
at iaaahin ang mga ito sa iyong mga paa.
Screeeeekkkkkkkkk...................
Biglang prumeno ang  jeep,
sa kalagitnaan ng ulan at trapik.
Pinilit kong itago ang pagtitig ko sayo,
ngunit sa yero nauntog ang aking ulo.
Kamukha mo lang pala yun.
Magkapareho kayo ng mga mata,
yung mga matang minsa'y nagpatunaw ng aking puso.
Naglaho ng parang bula ang mga pangarap,
nung pumara ang jeep sa may kanto.
Bitbit mo sa iyong bag ang aking puso.
Eto lang ang pakiusap ko sayo,
pakisauli na lang
Kung magkita man ulit tayo....

December 5, 2011/ 1:14 a.m.

After Three Days...

Finally! After three grueling, brain-wrecking days of thinking of a decent enough title, I was able to come up with this one. Though searching through Google, I've found out that some bloggers have already used it. What the hey, I like it. Plus, it has my initials in it, so I guess I'm gonna stick to it...