Large Shoes to Fill

Today is Daddie's 65th birthday. He is in Cotabato City right now, celebrating his birthday and his last day as a government employee.

I remember when I was about 5 years old, Mommie and I brought him to the pantalan (seaport) since he will be leaving for Cotabato City, where he has been assigned as Director II of DILG- ARMM. I played in the concrete culverts as Daddie went aboard the Super Ferry.



Growing up, I did not feel his absence was a big deal because he made sure that he was present on major occasions in our lives- graduations, Christmas, new year, some birthdays. Being surrounded by loving titos and titas made a big difference in our upbringing, I guess. Of course, there were times when I envy those families I see that are "complete," even as simple as attending Sunday Mass or dining out. Yet I know ours is a non-conventional family, i.e. different religions, different traditions, so even as a child, you learn to understand. But sometimes even if you try, it still tugs at the heart.

He was my namesake. They made me his Junior, hoping that after having three girls, they will finally have a son. It was those times when ultrasound was expensive or something, that they only knew the sex of the baby when it finally comes out. As one of my titos recount the moment of my birth, he said when my father asked what sex the baby was, he was somewhat dismayed to find out that I, too, was a girl. I guess that is the reason, well, one of the reasons, that I became what I am. That even if I try to do everything to please them, to excel in anything I do, I would never be enough...all because they were expecting something different in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly. It's just one of those things I carried with me growing up. 

Everything changed when I passed the board exam. A friend and I accompanied him to the Senate for a budget hearing. He introduced me to his colleagues and to his boss, as his daughter- an architect. That moment was when I felt he was most proud of me.

As he is about to face yet another chapter in his life: Retirement, I pray for his good health, more years to enjoy his life, and enjoy his grandchildren. Because all his life he was the one looking after everyone. Right now, even though I am still clueless how, I want to be the one to provide for my family, and someday, be able to build their dream house.