Crossroads

Should I push the pedal to its limits and just go full throttle? or stay put for a while (for who knows till when) and wait for the right time?

Two weeks ago, I was decided. I was going to do the inevitable. Finally, I will face my fear - fear of losing everything, fear of the unknown. I was ready to jump off the cliff, to take risks. Yet something happened last week. I was not prepared for it, nor was she. It totally changed the game plan. This may be a minor setback, although sometimes I think it may even be an advantage. But am I really that type of person? I think not... I hope not...






I have been sleep-deprived for some days of December because of anxiety, mostly. I eagerly prayed for a sign...for clarity...for wisdom. Is it time to get this off my chest? Am I ready for the consequences? Can I live with the fact that things might get awkward after the "big spill?" Can I risk the friendship and the trust she has willingly given to me?

Heck, I did not plan for it. I did not plan to fall in love with a friend in the first place. If I had a choice, then I definitely would have ran to the opposite direction. Why complicate things? Why disrupt the comfortable? Then again, once it hits you, you are frozen. You can do two things: (1) brush it off, not entertain the fuzzy feelings growing inside, hope that someday it will just go away; or (2) feel the pain, let love envelope your soul, your very being...and just...let go....

I might need to take a step back for now, scale whether taking the jump will be worth it in the end. All I know is that she needs someone now, a friend... who is willing to listen and give advice, to make her see another perspective.



#SuperduperFriendZoned