I Did It!

Photo Credit: http://www.google.com.ph/imgres?noj=1&tbm=isch&tbnid=sF3RI5szSzeweM%3A&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.deviantart.com%2Fmorelikethis%2F50916453%3Fview_mode%3D2&docid=yE4tjPl4reqwUM&imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fth03.deviantart.net%2Ffs12%2FPRE%2Fi%2F2006%2F293%2Fa%2Fb%2Fmy_heart_on_a_string_by_crayolascoloringbook.jpg&w=774&h=1032&ei=ssLlUt7BJ8nJiAfbwICoBA&zoom=1&ved=0CFEQhBwwAA&iact=rc&dur=369&page=1&start=0&ndsp=14&biw=1505&bih=453

I wouldn't let 2-0-1-3 end without my last entry for the year..

Here's an update!

So I finally spilled the beans...yep, last December 20! It was our last day at work and my flight to Zamboanga was the following day. Really, I did not know what came over me. It was a now-or-never thing, after endless debates with myself, I finally decided to take the risk. I wrote all my feelings in a letter. She was my "manita" so I slipped the letter inside the pouch containing my gift for her and some little things too.  She spent that Friday night in my apartment, and she even drove me to the airport the next morning (much to my surprise.) I begged her not to read the cards in my presence, she politely obliged. We bade each other good bye and I saw her green car go as I queued for the departure entrance at the NAIA Terminal 3.




You could say my insides were doing somersaults while waiting for a reply, or wondering whether she'd reply at all! I was getting paranoid. As in, freakishly on the verge of insanity. I found out then that her mom placed my presents under their Christmas tree and she said that she'd open them by the 25th. So imagine 5 days of waiting for dooms day. It was the worst feeling in the world. Just like waiting for the Board Exam Results to come out.

Come 25th... at exactly 7:24 in the evening, I got several SMS from her about THE LETTER. I appreciated her honesty. Though I knew very well what the outcome of my revelation was, I was still surprised at how she handled it. I knew she was mature for her age, but I appreciated how she reacted to it. I would rather not elaborate on the details, but I am just glad I did it and that it's over.

I have learned some important lessons from that experience. To enumerate a few:

 (1) Be prepared.
Honestly, I was not fully prepared for the outcome, though I prepared myself for the worst. It was such a great risk for our friendship. I could lose her and she could just walk away and I could not do anything about it. I thank God that she has opened her mind, and that she, too, treasures our friendship and did not let this "thing" ruin it.

(2) Be honest.
Honesty is indeed the best policy. Well, in my case, it's the best Christmas gift I could give to myself. Literally, I freed myself from the unknown, the scary, the what-ifs. I took a leap. Of course, I was scared to my wits end, but looking back, I think it was one of the best decisions I made in my life so far.

(3)The right time will never come. Just do it NOW.
Had I waited for her to be okay, or for my life to be in order, or for pigs to grow wings, I would not be having this freedom I'm feeling right now. Time is of the essence. Who knows, I would not have been around too long or something bad might happen in the future (God forbid), I could regret not telling her how I feel. I just have to deal with it the soonest, so we can all finally move on.

(4) Love is funny and scary at the same time.
I love her. She is not perfect. There are some things about her that drive me nuts (and not in a good way.) Yet despite her flaws, her imperfections, I still do. And I am not afraid to tell the world (or her) anymore. And that scares me. I have not loved anyone like this... until when? I do not know. Maybe she is my Pandora, and unfortunately, I was the one who gave her the key.


I really hope for the best when I come back to work on January 6.


Happy New Year!