Status: It's Complicated

Just when I thought of giving up... of finally letting go of a fantasy that's been brewing in my mind for the past months...for letting go of what could or might have beens... for not letting myself be truly happy with that person... slowly trying to accept that things may not just be meant to be.... but then, I see an orange propped on my office table this morning.

And as if an automatic reset button has been pressed, the cycle begins all over again....

I guess destiny or fate or whatever you call it, is indeed messing up with me. I mean, the last time I asked for a sign, a panaflex board might have been flying around that morning for all I know. At first, I thought it's just a crush...well, it all starts that way anyhow. I even recalled pointing that out to a college friend when we volunteered at an orphanage last December. But as we got to know each other better, somehow became close, I found myself fond of her. And even if I hate admitting it, I have fallen for her.

It's not like the "I can't eat, can't sleep" kinda thing, but somehow I feel like I'm in high school again. Those times when you get "kilig" with little things, even recalling those silly mundane conversations that give a half-step beat to my once frozen heart.

I could go all day listing the things likable about her, yet with that same breath, I can't pinpoint why this stubborn heart of mine chose her. Maybe because we share some interests? She understands me and my mood swings? She knows how to keep me from blowing my top? Or maybe we are similar in many ways, and different in some at the same time.

Ah....love..... love and all its complexities.... to love is the greatest gift, and to be loved by someone you love, well....is the greatest feeling in the world. If only it's not as complicated as it is...

The question remains, to snap out of it or to nurture it? I don't really know.