Best advice come from unexpected people and at unexpected times. Last night, I was flicking over my phone, checking my facebook news feed. It was a little past midnight. I could not sleep. It must be from the free dark mocha frappe I gulped while (half) listening to my office friend's Revit Tutorial. Caffeine plus numbing the pain I'm feeling inside, depression...or whatever you call it, have successfully kept me awake even though my body is screaming for rest.
A college friend and I were chatting casually, the usual platonic conversations. And without me intending to, I told him what had happened and was surprised that I was actually telling him all about my heartaches. It's normal, I guess, when you are hurt or feeling like crap, you tend to tell people about it, solicited or not. I remember my two guy friends who had "girl problems" were like that. I guess it was just some sort of release. Being able to talk about it is a form of moving on?
All my close friends say the same thing: that I should let her go. Maybe this time I'm more willing to listen. I know they are right. It's just that this heart of my mine is so stubborn.
I don't want to reach to that point that I'd hate her, or regret I've ever had feelings for her. I want to at least keep the good memories, because after all, we were good friends before all THIS happened.
I am planning (plan, being the operative word) to keep my distance for now. I know my weakness. Unfortunately, she damn well knows it too. Just a little nudge from her will send me putting her into that pedestal again. Just a flick of a switch, I'm back to my old miserable self enslaved by her every beck and call. I should refrain myself from texting her the usual sweet nothings. The hardest part is missing her, even though we're in the same office, same cubicle...breathing the same stale air in this corporate jungle.
Letting go is hard. But sometimes it should be done... so you would know who would care enough to pull you back....
But when that does not happen, maybe, just maybe, someone better will finally be there to catch your fall... Someone not as complicated, someone who is just as mad about love as you are. Someone who deserves all the care and attention, and knows how to appreciate every little thing. Someone not perfect, but REAL.
Letting go and moving on sure isn't easy. The hardest part for me is the memories. When I get to thinking of the past and the what-ifs, I hold on tighter for that "dream". But the past is gone and the what-ifs are just illusions, so no point in staying any longer. But, easier said than done. Hehehe. One step at a time lang. :)
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