SEM TWO. DONE.

Hello there!

Last night, I submitted my last paper for the semester. It was a briefing report for DESC9147 Sustainable building design principles. We had to do a "redesign" of a sustainable building from a previous assignment. Our group's building was the Singapore National Library, which we had to "relocate" in a location in Sydney. It was interesting to do, but I had to say that our enthusiasm was already waning since it was already the last one. Well, I hope we will do just fine... although, I failed to do a 3d model because I could not download the program needed, Sefaira.... just keeping my fingers crossed!

I have to say, I actually enjoyed learning this semester. The course is really interesting (and relevant), and I admire how the professors seem so knowledgeable about their craft. I could not be more pleased with my choice of program and uni. Also, I have made some cool, awesome friends who are really good in their craft as well. All my subjects were intensives, which meant that we only met for five times for the whole semester. The classes were 9am-5pm, with classrooms spread out across uni. We also learned new programs too- Design builder, Climate consultant, and Sefaira.

It is without saying that the semester was not a "walk in the park." Definitely had some down times. 

It was during holy week (3rd week of April) that I felt ill. The pain started from my lower back then radiated to my right leg down to my knee. It was horrible. I have never felt so much pain in my life. I cried several times, because it would take me almost half an hour to just stand from my bed. I did not want to worry Mommie, so I could not tell her how bad it was, until I felt I had to go to an emergency room. It was a Sunday, and my housemate/classmate, Harold, offered to go with me to RPA Hospital. We waited for three hours before I could be seen by a doctor (it was a triage hospital.... the doctor was young and hot, btw. lol. I just had to say that). She said that it was muscle spasm, and not the nerves. I was really scared since with what happened to Jankie and all, it was really frightening. I had a follow up check up with a GP here in Marrickville. A Vietnamese doctor. He gave meds the first time, but did not seem to work. I had xrays done, and thankfully, they were all clear. He gave me some muscle relaxants and some prednisone (steroids), told me to do some stretches. After about 5 days, I was well again. I did not have to use the cane my housemate bought for me from Daiso. It was a good thing, too, that I asked Jankie's physical therapist for some exercises to do. I think that really helped.

That experience was indeed a wake up call. I should have gone to see a doctor right away, and not wait for it to worsen. I was immobile for 10 days before I decided that it was getting really serious. At first, I thought it was UTI, so I drank cranberry juice and all those home remedies stuff. It turned out, it was my sedentary lifestyle that was the culprit. I needed to move more a lot, which was not necessary the case, and the intensive classes did not help either. 

On a lighter note, I finally was able to purchase one of things on my "checklist." After researching for several weeks, I found a legit camera store that sells the cheapest in Sydney (based on some forums). It was a Fujifilm XT20 with 16-50mm lens (silver). I got it for $1,299, which I think was a good deal, 'cos other stores sell it for $1700 just for the body! Anyway, I don't want to convert it to pesos since I could already buy a motorcycle with that amount. lol. Next on my checklist is a Yamaha travel guitar... hmmmm..... 

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The time just flew so fast... Two of the "clingies" are heading home and my closest foreign friend is going home, as well. It's kinda sad, but it's a reality we all must face. Sydney is just temporary. And all these is just gonna go down in our memory banks. 

I am starting to have anxious thoughts of what I will do when I come home. Should I practice in Zamboanga? Teach in WMSU? Put up my own firm or go try my luck in Singapore, perhaps? or maybe I can teach in Silliman University or San Carlos in Cebu. Wherever my feet may take me, I hope I will have peace of mind. 

But..... let's not worry about that yet. 

One thing I know is for sure, SEMESTER TWO IS A WRAPPPP!

Difficult Times

If I were to choose a year to represent the undying 'life-is-like-a-wheel' cliche, I would definitely pick 2016. The previous year of the monkey indeed had its series of ups and downs. I got to travel around Ilocos Region with my mom and sister (one of my travel bucket lists), was finally able to fly to Australia for my scholarship (which I had to painstakingly, patiently wait for two years or so), met and became friends with some amazing people along the way (co-Filipino scholars and some foreigners too,) got to live independently abroad and experience new and exciting things, learned a few neat stuff from the abundant classes and workshops available around Sydney- just to name some of the positives. For the not-so-positive events- experienced winter blues firsthand (the struggle was real), a classmate passing away, academic struggles, homesickness, and just before the year turns into a close, one of my sisters suffered from GBS- which was the most challenging not only for her, but for the entire family as well. Still, I can't help but be thankful for the gift of life, opportunity, and family.

Dark Clouds, Aussie-style

November must be one of the most challenging months for me. Pressures with finishing assessments, problems with the family back home, unrequited love problems... those are some of the things that plagued me for the past weeks, and as the old adage says, "when it rains, it pours."

Although I hate to admit it, I think I had a serious bout with depression two weeks before my final deadline, which was only last week. I could not function well. I could not sleep. I drink to drown my sorrows. One of the serious things I noticed was my poor sleeping pattern. I barely have 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. To make matters worse, I submitted 2 assignments late because I could not think properly.

I know I should have asked for help, to reach out. Yet I knew that my sounding board, Sewang, was going through a roller coaster of emotions of her own. I could not burden her even more. Two of my closest friends in uni went home to their respective families in their home countries, leaving me feeling all alone in the most crucial part (yet) of my postgrad experience. Yet I appreciate it when they check up on me once in a while. It's as if they have never left my side, but who am I kidding.

It is not fair to say that I am already over it. In fact, I just guzzled 2 1/2 beers tonight just to feel numb (not entirely tho, since the first 1 1/2 cans of beer I drank were at a karaoke night with fellow international students.) I drank another one at home to keep myself from breaking down. What's even harder is that I can't cry. Even if I want to, even if my heart is bursting at the seams. Even if I want to shout at the top of my lungs, yet no sound is coming out. As if I am falling into an abyss. Some hands are reaching out, yet I still feel that my hand is slowly slipping away. Even my faith is being tested. I want to give up. To not feel anymore pain. This is all too much. I don't think I can still keep this seemingly strong facade anymore. I just want to break down and cry...yet no fucking tears are coming out. What the hell is wrong with me?

In nine days I will be coming home to Zamboanga. Maybe because what I am going thru is normal for a student in a foreign land. All the uncertainties, the feeling of inadequacy- that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not fast enough. I pray to God that my current state is just "normal."

It is so hard when you were the source of strength of some of the people around you, but when the strength is gone, to whom shall I draw strength from? My mind is blown. The people around me seem oblivious with what I am going thru.

I am just trying to get by each day. Each waking moment. Hoping that the dark clouds hovering over me will disappear. That there will be a new day, a new hope, a renewed strength for me.

5th Month!

I just checked the time (and date) on my laptop and realized that it's the 8th of the month, which means it's our 5th month here in the land down under. Who knew five months would just go by just like that. I only have two major papers (one is a 4000-word essay due on Friday) until next week, and first semester (technically, second) is gonna be a wrap!

Wow!

There are so many things I have learned and is learning- about school, architecture, sustainability, about building relationships and making friends, how to get by with housemates, etc. etc. So many things to adapt to, people to adjust to, makes one think that we are living inside the Big Brother House. Indeed, this might be the PBB Oz Edition. Lol. I just totally made that up, but it sure feels like we are "housemates" with an invisible hand watching over us (stalking our fb and instagram?). Now I know how it feels to be away from one's family, away from home and our comfort zones, away from close friends and to have mixed emotions about basically anything.

Here I am again with this emotional stuff. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

TGIS: Thank God, it's Spring!

Cadigal Greens, University of Sydney (Camperdown Campus)

I just got out from our intensive class in Indoor Environmental Quality class, one of our core (/major) subjects in the Architectural Science program I am currently enrolled in. It's rightly called "intensive" because it's a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. class with an hour lunch break, and 2 or 3 10-minute coffee breaks in between. Luckily today, our prof and two guest lecturers finished early! So here I am, lounging on one of the bench/outdoor chair things at Cadigal Greens, enjoying the breezy, fresh Spring air, on a beautiful, laid back Friday afternoon, with earphones in place and a heart bursting with emotions at the seams.

I don't think i have ever written a feel-good post. Well, this is one... Today was just simply a good day. I did not feel sleepy during class, perhaps because my hibernation mode during winter has finally come to a close... Or it must be the two cups of Kopiko Brown I brought to class with me as my arsenal. Either way, I am happy that I survived it.

So many things have happened for the past three months since we started our #AASJourney: meeting and forming friendships with other students from other parts of the world, being overly attached (Read: "clingy") with fellow Filipino scholars, touring around Sydney, visiting musems (making the most out of the free Opal trips during weekends), attending free workshops (or paying for relatively cheap ones), shopping (!!!), getting through first round of gruelling assessments, family visiting me for 5 days -to name a few. The most unforgettable moment, not only for me and I'm sure with other AAS scholars as well, was when one of our Indonesian classmate, Tyo, suffered a heart attack during our Orientation Class. Yes, during class. And that memory will forever be etched in our hearts.

Yet, I cannot be more thankful for having given this opportunity to experience all this. My heart is overflowing with gratitude, and I know that academic life will only get tougher as time goes by. Homesickness will come knocking on our doors soon, as our 3-month honeymoon phase concludes. I pray that we will be able to surpass this. I pray that we can make through this, just like we survived our first winter.

The wind is getting chilly now, I think I better get inside the library or something.

Until next post....

Thank God for Spring. 😊😊😊

Hello from the Other Side

Sydney from the airplane!

G'day, Mate!

It's 12:04 a.m. Sydney time (GMT +10) and it has been 2 months and 9 days since I arrived in the land down under, Australia. I realize that I haven't posted anything since we set foot here on June 8, 2016. Needless to say that so many things (good and bad to terrible) things have happened, and to think that it's only the beginning of our Australia Awards Journey. I am surprised at how resilient we are despite everything, and I am thankful that we have each other (but let's not get too mushy just yet.)

Perhaps I can still catch up with my blog- in between tantamount readings and assessments. Besides, blogging has always been my best form of my, er, procrastination (hihihi.) This is somewhat putting oil on the gears, to somehow prepare myself in writing lengthy, "academic-sounding" essays and texts. Although, I also found a new fondness of cleaning- which is also a "productive" means of being "unproductive" (if you know what I mean.)

This post shall attempt to summarise all the events that transpired for the past months (notice the use of "s" instead of "z" in spellings, that's being Aussie right there, mayt! =P) Hopefully, I could write according to the timeline in the coming weeks.

But first, let's start from the beginning....