PMS-ing

Depression.

It comes in all forms and sizes. Just browse your facebook wall. Some will keep ranting about whatever crap they are going through - cursing, complaining, fussing about the inequalities of whatever.

For others, well, some just like to sleep all day long, wishing that everything will be alright when they finally wake up. But they never do.

For many others still, they keep buried in work. Tons and tons of work. Until their life is literally sucked out from their veins (Caffeine replaced their red blood cells, perhaps?) Exhausting every bit of energy their already tired bodies could endure, so that they would be too tired to think of their problems. Or to even feel anything.




I have (yet again) reached that point in my life. If I remember correctly, a year ago, I would have traded anything to go back home, to be with my family.

Now I am here with them, a year and two months after. Yet I could not get rid of the nagging feeling, that tiny, stubborn bit of neuron in my sub-conscious wants to come out in the open.

I still feel, deep inside, that I should be somewhere else. Doing something else.

I have read somewhere, as I have been reading up a lot on financial literacy, that being under one's parents roof (again) doesn't mean you are able to save up (free food/rent = no responsibilities), on the flip side, it means you are missing out on other opportunities.

That statement clearly hit a nerve. It's like having a glass of ice cold water poured over my head. Although, my financial conditions are way,way better now than when I was working in Manila. I am able to save up now, while back then I was living from paycheck to paycheck (barely!)

On hindsight, the lifestyle didn't really suit me. Paying 200 bucks for an overpriced coffee or a compulsory "lunch/dine out" whenever it's payday, but would have to eat canned goods on weekends. (Not that it's a bad thing, I could eat a whole kilo of hotdogs by myself.) You get the picture, right?

I know, I have no one to blame but myself. It was my irresponsibility and notion that my parents/sisters where there to back me up anytime. In fact, I have sent out several SOS texts when rental dues came.

Oh well...

I guess it's just that time of the month.