An Oil Cutter Story

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This afternoon, I finally found the oil cutter I have been looking for ages. I stumbled upon it accidentally though. It was conveniently camouflaged in various lengths of sachets of Dove shampoo and Creamsilk in one of my parents' drawers. Funny how I never saw it there before, since I open that same drawer everyday before hitting the showers. I guess, I was just not looking.

Anyway, I was excited to try it because I never really tested it out since I bought it 4 or 5 years ago. I got the scrap glass I had lying around, and I prepared to cut a piece for my t-shirt printing business. All the while, my 5-year old nephew, Keyaan, was watching me intently.


Being the inquisitive boy that he is, he kept asking me what I was doing, what the things on our dining table were, et cetera. I answered him without really looking at him, as I was so engrossed, rather getting frustrated, with the glass cutter thing. It didn't work. Keyaan kept asking me stuff, and at some point, he was touching the glass. I told him not to because he might hurt himself. With his cute, innocent eyes glaring at me, he asked me, "why?"

I could not remember what we were talking about then, but he said something that really struck me.  He said something like this... "You do not love me. You hate kids. You hate children." I immediately put the pliers in my hand down, and I was, literally, stopped in my tracks. It felt like a piece of glass struck my heart. Teary-eyed, I told him that it was not true, that I loved him and I love children. He said, "but you hated me this good morning..." (he always says "good morning" even when he means just "morning") I tried to recall what happened, but instead asked him why he thought so. He said because I got mad at him, that's why he thought I hated him.

I explained to him that I was just mad, but that does not mean I hate him. I later recalled the reason why I scolded him was because he was tearing up the pieces of paper of the notebook I gave him to draw on. Pretty lame, as I think about it now. But the impact it made on a child was deep. Deep enough that his 5-year old mind would think that someone close to him would hate him.

I hugged him tight while trying to hold back tears. It was so stupid of me to be mad about something so trivial. I felt so ashamed and guilty for what I did. I kept saying I love him, and even asked if he loved me too... He paused for a while, as if thinking it thoroughly, then he silently said, "yes..."


That moment was definitely an eye opener for me. It's as if some invisible hand pulled an ice bucket challenge on my head. I made a mistake - a small and stupid, yet significant mistake that could have been detrimental to a child's well being.

I felt bad for myself. I know there had been times that I had temper outbursts, especially when I get frustrated or stressed out with my drawings or whatever crappy situation I am in. It is true that we always tend to hurt the people we love.


Seven months from now, I will be leaving for Australia to pursue my master's degree (will blog about it in another post.) Although the idea has not fully sunk in yet...(unlike what my batchmates in the Open Category must be feeling now as they'll be leaving this June), I am trying to pace myself in case that moment comes. For sure I will be missing my family, most especially, the babies. That is why I want to spend quality time with them while they are still small, because the twins will be 7 years old when I come home (God-willing.) They will be no longer be kids anymore.

It's scary to even think about it. But I guess, all we have to do is to take each small step at a time, and trust that everything will work out just fine.

I love my nephews and niece, Keyaan, Maleeq and Nadeen. Even if sometimes, the house is such a mess 'coz they toys are everywhere. Or too noisy because they decided to cry their lungs out all at the same time. I love them still. Despite and inspite of. They are the reasons why there is so much joy in our home. I hope we, as grown-ups, do not forget that they will not be kids forever. One day, they too will grow up and have grown-up problems and we'd probably hope that they were back in diapers instead.

In hindsight, I think the real purpose why I found that oil cutter was not so I could use it... instead, to teach me a valuable lesson.

Whatever we do, whatever we say, has and will be influential to a child. Just like holding an oil cutter in our hand, we have the responsibility of cutting the glass- careful enough not to break it, yet shaping it in whatever way we please...

Just like raising a child.


Because in the eyes of a child, what he sees or hears, will be absorbed like a sponge. So let's be careful what they pick up from us....

I know I will.