Of Shattered Dreams and Sorrows

I almost died yesterday. Not wanting to romanticize it or anything, my life flashed before my eyes... for about 4 seconds.

I was on my way to NAIA Terminal 1. I was shaken because the car in front of the taxi I was riding along Macapagal Ave. stopped without warning, only inches from getting a head-on collision. I felt my knees weaken, and my breathing shallow. I imagined what if the driver wasn't able to swerve just in time, my right leg would have been smashed to bits from the impact, or worse, be thrown out of the windshield. I regret not bringing my company ID with me, because it had an In Case of Emergency information on it.

As if the angels knew, I just could not die that day.

Realization 2.0

I found this picture on Instagram some weeks ago, I never thought I'd actually use it. This somehow summarizes everything I am going through. Luckily, I have snapped back into reality. I guess I just needed to see what I saw so that I'd stop wallowing in this misery. It felt like a glass of ice cold water being dumped on someone's head, or that dreaded cold shower you take in the morning. Perhaps, a gust of electric shock when you accidentally touch an electronic that's grounded. The voltage, though, is not much, not enough to kill you, but just enough to make you jump and shriek for a few seconds.

Epistaxis

This is my first ever post in Chavacano.


Ta escribi yo coneste para ase lang sale el dolor ta sinti yo na dimiyo pecho. Hinde yo ta entende porque hinde yo ta pwede ase sale el lagrimas. Por kausa ba kay hinde le para llorar? Hinde ba yo nesesita keda apektaw na mga cosa ta pasa? Pero porque bien pesao yo ta sinti ahora? Porque taki lang cyempre el dolor na mio corazon? Como no pwede yo resulya, dol kada reswelyo di mio makasinti dwele. Porque?

Throw a Rope Down

I always have a late reaction when told of a story that's not so easy to digest. Especially when it comes to sensitive issues, I need at least 24 hours to process what I heard or learned.

Last Monday, I visited my old office at the university where I worked at before taking the boards. I needed to get some papers signed by the dean, so I asked a former office mate of mine to accompany me to the College of Architecture Building. While walking the student-infested hallways of College of Social Sciences (then College of Liberal Arts,) I kept asking her about her boyfriend then, because at that time I was there, they were already 6 years together or something and was thinking of tying the knot. I asked what happened because I saw she has a new boyfriend from her facebook wall posts.

I saw the discomfort in her face when I kept prodding at her, she did not want to tell me. I asked if he got another girl pregnant or something. All my theories of why a couple breaks up. She said it would have been easier if that was the reason. When we finally reached the College of Engineering hallway, she finally told me the truth...

What's your Motive?

Mo·tive

/mōtiv/

noun

noun: motive; plural noun: motives

1. a reason for doing something, esp. one that is hidden or not obvious.

"a motive for his murder"

 Synonyms: reason, motivation, motivating force, rationale, grounds, cause, basis, object, purpose, intention

In every given second, minute of everyday, there is always, and I SAY ALWAYS, a reason for anything and everything that we do. It may be from the easiest, simplest decisions, like, say, what to eat for breakfast or what clothes to wear? Which sock to put on first? or what shampoo to use? Sometimes, we do not even notice anymore simply because it has become a tedious repetition and routine. It is as if we are on autopilot. Thinking is not even required anymore, as the saying goes, "it's as easy as breathing...."

On a more deeper level, people make decisions based on their personal "WHY?" We do, act, or speak because we have our own reasons for doing so. Some may understand us, oftentimes, not. But I think it's alright, because we are not designed to be people pleasers all our lives. At least, I think so. Otherwise, we would not be given a living and breathing brain if we are not to use it. Or at least, learn to use it properly..or at least have the decency to NOT use it to harm other people.

Bucketlist : 2014

Today was one of those days that I got too lazy to work. Arrived 27 minutes late in the office, I woke up a little past 7, almost 8. I have been having trouble sleeping lately. It must be from caffeine or just too many things swirling around in this head of mine.

Yesterday, I decided to finally stop this negativity. It's about time to pick myself up. Brush off the dust, and get a hold of myself. Just let things go through its natural path.

Being the OC that I am, I like making lists. So to make it seem that I am "working," (i.e. fingers tapping away the keyboard,) I thought of listing down my Bucketlist for this Year of the Wooden Horse. Better late than never!

Not in chronological order:

1. Travel solo (Baguio, perhaps?) 
2. Try at least one scary ride in Enchanted Kingdom (or elsewhere)
3. Volunteer at an orphanage/ home for the elderly 
4. Learn to play drums
5. Visit/ take of pictures of old churches in the Philippines
6. Travel. Travel. Travel. (Boracay, Cebu, Bohol, Ilocos, etc. etc. etc.) 
7. Try something new at least once a week (new sports, new food, meet new people)
8. Have photowalks at least twice a month
9. Paint more often
10. Read a new book every week

That's it for now... look, it's almost break time! Oh joy!