Crossroads

Should I push the pedal to its limits and just go full throttle? or stay put for a while (for who knows till when) and wait for the right time?

Two weeks ago, I was decided. I was going to do the inevitable. Finally, I will face my fear - fear of losing everything, fear of the unknown. I was ready to jump off the cliff, to take risks. Yet something happened last week. I was not prepared for it, nor was she. It totally changed the game plan. This may be a minor setback, although sometimes I think it may even be an advantage. But am I really that type of person? I think not... I hope not...

Sinking Ship

Turbulent waters. Waves splashing across the side of the boat... I grab for my backpack quickly, instinctively... looking for the black pouch my father gave me. I searched through the tiny slits inside, removing empty medicine wrappers in the process. My fingers searching frantically. My nausea stepping up a notch. I could feel my saliva form in the sides of my mouth... I hate this feeling of having to puke. Then my forefinger finally found it, I tore it open. My savior, for at least after an hour when it finally kicks in... Thank you, Bonamine... I know, I know... I should have taken it before going to this trip... I thought I could endure the pain, the motion sickness...but......

My Christmas List

Christmas is just 14 days away! In order to get my creative juices pumping this Wednesday morning (pampagana before doing cadworks ^____^,) I thought I'd write down my wishlist (and things I am thankful for for the year that was,) and hope that Santa could still get to read it on time.... (p.s. I know there is NO Santa Claus. My sister, Chiching, was the one who put candies and small gifts on our socks/stockings when we were kids.)

Stubborn is My Middle Name

Obstinate. Unrelenting. Unshakable.

Those are just some words that are synonymous to my name. Yep. Ask anyone who knows me for at least two years tops. Well, some who even just met me could say that as well. I'm not proud of it, nor am I wavering my bragging rights over it. It's just who I am.

In other words, matigas ang ulo ko. Ask my mother. We often get into arguments because of it, especially when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I don't answer back or anything. In fact, I just keep silent the whole time (or until I have gotten over whatever it was), sometimes giving them the cold shoulder.

(Not-so) Sweet November

It's 3 days before the 11th month of the year ends... November was not so good to me, though. I was sick most of the time- cough and colds, plus my migraine attacking once in a while. I don't know if it's because of the ever changing weather, or Manila's pollution that my lungs could no longer filter out. Also, watching the devastation by Supertyphoon Yolanda all over the news makes it more depressing. I could not even feel Christmas is just 28 days from now...well, I'm sure most feel the same too.

I really do hope and pray that the Philippines will stand back right again. No war, earthquakes, nor supertyphoons can ever break the Filipino Spirit. Okay, I did not just turn patriotic all of a sudden. But it's true... while most of my colleagues are thinking of going abroad, I think this is the time to stay. Help our Mother Land build what was destroyed, and design more resilient buildings that can withstand all the elements. Yet again, I can not blame them for seeking greener pastures (or in most cases, bigger pavements?) because with what has been happening in the Philippines these times- from supertyphoons to super greedy politicians, from Janet to Yolanda, one must think that our country is cursed or something.

One good thing about this month though, I started painting again. I have been planning to do that since forever, and after having bed rest for 3 days because of being sick, I finally was able to bring out my tubes of watecolor and brushes. It still feels good... in fact, I want to finish all the paper i bought, and buy some more. Who knows, I'd be able to put up a One-man Exhibit? Perhaps this is the direction my life would like to take from now on?

I hope December will be much better... for all of us.

Monday Blues

Unfortunately, I have reached that point in my work life that I am no longer inspired nor productive. It seems that I have come to a dead end. At first, I thought transferring to another project will keep my blood pumping. I thought changing bosses will do any good. Well, for some time, it did. But then, dark clouds begin to hover in each and everyone's heads, small at first. Growing bigger and bitter as the pressure from all factors manifest. Sad to say, some good ones are gone. Or shall I say, good for them?